learning to fly

What with my birthday and the end of my sophomore year in the past month, I've had several moments when I realized that I am, in fact, halfway through college and halfway to being on the other side of the classroom and becoming something of an adult. But I think it was in reading Grace's beautiful post about finishing up her second year of college that really made me think about what this halfway point means to me. There's been joy and pain, laughter and tears, learning and many, many late nights (and therefore a few wake-me-up lattes), love and loss, faith and independence, and so much growth. I feel sometimes like a kindergartener who woke up and suddenly had an apartment and a degree plan and responsibility, like a fledgling who doesn't yet know how to fly, but has to. I'm not who I was in high school anymore--I've learned too much to be completely that girl again--but I haven't magically gained knowledge of adulthood and maturity and paying bills and taxes and social skills. But it feels a little like all this growth happened when I wasn't looking and now I don't quite know what to do with all of it. 

This next year, I want to grow into my wings and to feel more at ease with the idea of gaining maturity, even if I don't feel very mature. After years of running on a ballet studio schedule, with our final recital as the school year ended, June feels like the time for a new beginning. I know she's in me, a more confident Lisa, happy in her adulthood, instead of feeling surprised by it, the Lisa I'll become. My goals are like me: a little silly, a little practical, but mostly curious and yearning to be more comfortable in the person I'm growing to be. I want to explore a little and stretch my wings and find her.